When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.