Texts From Last Night

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  (727): View more from Florida

  He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.

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  (727): He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple. http://tfl.nu/vn0p
  Replies (34) Good night (1034) Bad night (12551)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.

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  (216): i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure. http://tfl.nu/jrrk
  Replies (21) Good night (920) Bad night (5216)
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  (805): View more from California

  found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.

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  (805): found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt. http://tfl.nu/65bm
  Replies (24) Good night (6292) Bad night (630)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.

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  (724): look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means. http://tfl.nu/mq55
  Replies (10) Good night (3465) Bad night (1165)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.

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  (513): I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is. http://tfl.nu/nela
  Replies (4) Good night (2439) Bad night (929)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone

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  (303): she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone http://tfl.nu/1ml1
  Replies (20) Good night (1132) Bad night (6248)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."

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  (404): You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet." http://tfl.nu/ru2n
  Replies (5) Good night (3971) Bad night (902)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.

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  (+44): We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this. http://tfl.nu/pfxy
  Replies (6) Good night (4492) Bad night (1178)
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  (925): View more from California

  I cannot believe I said bareback movement...

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  (925): I cannot believe I said bareback movement... http://tfl.nu/eax3
  Replies (6) Good night (1452) Bad night (866)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.

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  (406): The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been. http://tfl.nu/1jfg
  Replies (3) Good night (1320) Bad night (1729)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.

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  (740): If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure. http://tfl.nu/7lqe
  Replies (5) Good night (1991) Bad night (1104)
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  (914): View more from New York

  The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.

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  (914): The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands. http://tfl.nu/vf34
  Replies (5) Good night (2941) Bad night (591)
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  (940): View more from Texas

  I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.

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  (940): I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight. http://tfl.nu/7wi4
  Replies (5) Good night (646) Bad night (1029)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.

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  (719): I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume. http://tfl.nu/djze
  Replies (4) Good night (1176) Bad night (358)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.

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  (713): It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat. http://tfl.nu/xaim
  Replies (2) Good night (539) Bad night (271)

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