why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
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They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
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Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?