Already got asked if we're dating
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
