fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here