He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.