but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
