Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
