i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
