Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
NoShamevember. You game?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
My breasts were aching with rage.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
