third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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