Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
