you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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