You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
this just has baby written all over it
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
