my mouth tastes like poor choices
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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