I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
