I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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