Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
