How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
it's like heaven, but drunker
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
