and you said cock pushups were impossible
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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