I didn't shave. On purpose
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
