Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
