I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Still dying that you shit outside
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
