I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I lost the right to judge tonight
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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