i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
