I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
