She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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