HIV tests are more positive than that guy
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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