apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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