i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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