Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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