I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
