she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
