I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I haven't been this sober since birth.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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