My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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