I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
