Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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