Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I just had sex on a roof
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
