i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize
