Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
