IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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