Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
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