i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
