I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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