totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
