Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Randomize
