she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I believe in your delicious
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
