Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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