I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
