So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
