I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
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