im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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