I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
