oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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