if i can run in heels then i can drive
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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