maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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