i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
