My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
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