ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
okay pat passed out under dana's car
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
