grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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